Friday, March 19, 2004
it has been so long....
it has been a very long time since i posted anything here.. aaah.. i even needed to click on forget my passwrod bottom.. weirdo! ..
This doesn't mean that i stopped writing. I have been filling my labtop with my writings.. the reason why i stopped posting things here is because the things i write in the forum (which one? lol) are enough .. i write too much thinngs whenever i feel ful of feelings, but i don't even take the time to edit them .. so i decided to keep my writings to me for now.. at least for the next few months.. and those writings will in sha Allah be compiled soon between two covers with an image on one of them, and dark as midnight will be the other...
This doesn't mean that i stopped writing. I have been filling my labtop with my writings.. the reason why i stopped posting things here is because the things i write in the forum (which one? lol) are enough .. i write too much thinngs whenever i feel ful of feelings, but i don't even take the time to edit them .. so i decided to keep my writings to me for now.. at least for the next few months.. and those writings will in sha Allah be compiled soon between two covers with an image on one of them, and dark as midnight will be the other...
Sunday, January 18, 2004
revised for fortnight magazine
What should I title it?
Last week, I had my eyes examined and I was told that I’m becoming a near sighted person. As a result, I had to wear glasses. I was amazed how everything looked so different with the glasses, and I got depressed because I didn’t know that I wasn’t seeing all these things around me. I thought that this was how these things looked in natural. Other people, with a perfect eye sight, were seeing different things, more beautiful than the fuzzy shady pictures I used to see. I wasn’t seeing the whole picture around me.
This remind me how we as human see things from one perspective and each one of us thinks that what he sees is the only picture of the word, while other people see the world differently. When other people tell us what they see or think, we conclude that they are liars. After a while when we wear the life glasses, we get to realize how stupid and narrow minded we were. We get to know how the beautiful full picture is and how we can make it more beautiful in our eyes and the eyes of others.
Last week, I had my eyes examined and I was told that I’m becoming a near sighted person. As a result, I had to wear glasses. I was amazed how everything looked so different with the glasses, and I got depressed because I didn’t know that I wasn’t seeing all these things around me. I thought that this was how these things looked in natural. Other people, with a perfect eye sight, were seeing different things, more beautiful than the fuzzy shady pictures I used to see. I wasn’t seeing the whole picture around me.
This remind me how we as human see things from one perspective and each one of us thinks that what he sees is the only picture of the word, while other people see the world differently. When other people tell us what they see or think, we conclude that they are liars. After a while when we wear the life glasses, we get to realize how stupid and narrow minded we were. We get to know how the beautiful full picture is and how we can make it more beautiful in our eyes and the eyes of others.
story:3layka bekolli zani
Once the imam said: "al salam 3laikom wara7matu allah" announcing the end of the prayer, we followed by turning our faces to the right then to the left. A minute later, a tall young man stood up and walked two steps forward. Then he raised his hands, opened his palms and shouted loudly: "Allahoma 3laika be kol zani... allahoma 3laika bekol zani.. O God, punish every fornicator."
I was amazed that no one seemed to care or even to look at him... everything seemed usual
Out of criousity, i could not but ask about him. I looked around to see if there is a familiar face than i could ask, but everyone looked busy with their prayers and I didnot know who to ask. It was my first time to pray in this masjid.
Is this guy crazy? No... i am sure not. I decided to ask him.
al salam 3laikom,
wa 3laikom al salam wa ra7matu allah ..
Bro, can i ask u about what u said?
ooo bro. My story is something I would not hide... Even if i hide it from the people, how can hide it from their Lord.
I was born in a very religious family. My father was a religion teacher in the middle school and he raised us in accordance. I memorized the Koran when I was thirteen. I loved islam and i was so passionate to it unitll the day of departing came. I finished my hight school and I recieved a schoralship to study in the United States. The first things that came to my mind were that I would learn, invite pple to islam and benefit my country.
My father gave me the chance to decide my self. He said: " I can't prevent you from going to the USA..u r a man, and u can take decisions. However, u should be aware that four years in america is a log period of religious isolation...
I stared at him, not knowing if I should say something...
The way his face looked, the way he talked, made me feel hot tears in my eyes.. His words were full of emotions..I didn't say anything..
-
So i left to America. I became depressed. I wished that I didn't come to America from the first place. Here, religiously and culturally, it's not acceptable for women to uncover their body, but there, uncovering was something natural. I went through a transformation period in which it became natural for me to see a women's hear or hand... without even knowing that i was changing.
For several months there, i had almost no friends. It was rare that a male would seek a friendship of another male except if they were gays. And to be a friend of a girl was something i would never accept, i thought, until the day came.
It was a nice day. Students left the class in pairs with their friends and I left alone. I wondered if i can stand such life for four years. I went straight on to the bus station. I took the bus to go to my home which was 10 minutes away from there. Once the bus stop, a young girl stood up and got off the bus and I did. I just realized that I saw here once in the class. She walked and I walked behind her, not following her but heading back home.
She was scared thinking that I was following her, so she turned around and took a look at me. Something had changed in me. She was so beautiful. All of a sudden, I remembered that I was looking at a forign girl.. I then lowered my gaze. But again, without thinking about it much, i looked at the girl again. This time I scanned her whole body with my eyes. My eyes were hungry and I lost control.
She reached her home, entered and then she turn back and through the glass door, she stared at me as I was entering the next door.
Once I got into my room, I saw the praying rug that I left on the floor after praying al '9o7a. O my God! I cried. How could I do this. Where is the Koran I memorized..where is all the love to islam .. I felt that I was burning. I could not stop my self from crying: some words were ringing in my head"yabee3o deenaho be3ara'9en mn el donya"(بادروا بالأعمال فتنا كقطع الليل المظلم يصبح الرجل فيها مؤمنا ويمسي كافرا، ويصبح كافرا ويمسي مؤمنا يبيع دينه بعرض من الدنيا زائل)
No.. No.. i cired. but i was already trapped
-
I prayed the noon prayer. I made my sojoood very long and I asked Allah to protect me and forgive me... Then, I laid on my bed and I didn't wake up before the mid night. aaaaaah ..something is wrong with me.. I looked at al 7aram and now for the first time I slept and missed the prayers...
I prayed and then I spent 3 hours studying. I could not concentrate.. Her vivid colorful picture came to back to my mind. What should I do O my God? I decided to turn the stereo on and listen to the Koran. The voice came from the stereo, reciting from sorat al israa2:
وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
= "Nor come near to adultery. ..for it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)." (17:32)
When the recitor reached وَسَاء , he couldn't continue.. His voice disappeard. He was crying, crying from the core of his heart.. i could not bare it.. I turned it off.. but the voice continue ringing in my head.. And it's an evil raod... and it's an evil road.
I laid upon my bed..and slept. In the dream I saw my father, he looked at me from a far distance and he said:
كل الحوادث مبـداها من النظـر *** ومعظم النار من مستصغر الشرر
I didn't know what the dream meant. I missed my father and his teachings. Anyway, it was the morning. I got ready and went to my class. I arrived there early so I sat, as usual, in the first row. Someone came and sat next to me..
-Good morning. a nice voice came
I turned toward the source of that voice.. and there she was.. the same girl..
-hey , good morning..
- isaw you yesterda..
-yeah, it seems like we r neighbors.
we chatted until the professor came and started his lecture. After the lecture, she invited me to the cafteria for a cup of in coffee ,. i hesitated and then, i said: let's make it in another time.. i am sorry i have to go.
In my head, i was saying, damn, what am I doing? I should be nice to people, we won't do anything wrong, it's just a cup of coffee.
Then I headed back home. For the next week, she sat next to me every day. and we chatted about different stuff, life , culture.. She started to be interested in my culture as she heard me speaking about it...
It was monday, and we were supposed to have an exam next wednesday. She suggested.. Why don't we study togather for the exam?
I am sorry ( i quickly said).. I don't feel comfortable studying in a group.
-Her face became dark... I noticed that the relationship between us is becoming stronger.. I felt that she was upset.
-so I said: .. But if u need help with anything i can help u..
-Yes yes plz, i am having a hard time with this class. How about tuesday @ 5 pm in ur house.. or in my house, if u want.. u will meet my parents too.
I thought about it.. in my house we will be a lone... no..no.. I said: I will be happy to meet ur parents... let's meet in urs.
-
So we did. I knocked her door at 5. She opened the door and I entered. Her parents were not there. She was sad and said that they had to go somewhere. Anyway, I couldn't leave or i would be more than rude so we sat and started studying. After a while I was talking to her, but she did n't answer. I look up in her face.. She was smiling and staring in my face.. What's wrong? I asked. She said: Hey man, aren't you tired. Let's have tea. I nodded.
She made the tea and came toward me .. then she suddenly asked. By the way, i haven't seen you with anyone, do you have a girl friend? I kept silent for a while thinking...I was embarassed and i didn't know what to say.. then I said No.. I haven't met the right person yet. She smiled as if I told her some great news.
While she was serving the tea, she fell on me ... I donno what happened next. I don't how did i get to her room.. and i don't know how i did what i did. But i recall finding her between my arms.. i recall screaming in her face.. and i recall running home ... i dropped that class that same day and i haven't seen her next. But, something worst happened next.. (it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils) .. it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)...it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)...it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)...
This verse came to me in all my dreams.. and then my life turned to that road. I next wake up everyday between different soft arms.. I touched all kind of flesh... i became an animal in a human body.. It was a hunger... but each time i tried to statisfy it, the hunger increased... and increased ...
a year later, my father came to me in my dream.. the same exact first dream .. he was still saying كل الحوادث مبـداها من النظـر
I woke up and i called home... My mom shouted: ur father passed away last night.....
That was the new turning point to me... my life ended there.. Now , thanks God. I am not doing any of the stuff i used to do .. but the evil road is still with me.. i can;t leave it.. it's effects are still following me.. i don't feel 7alawat el eiman that i used to feel.. I am lost.. and that's my story.. i, now, don't do zina... but now i can't be straight.. i fogot all the koran i memorized in my life... i am basicly a dead person ... and it all started with that look.. he ended..
Without saying a word, i turned to him my back .. and i went straight on to the door... my phone rang .. i look at the id.. it was her... Nora... should i take it? should I take it? I answered..
she said: .. where are u? is this what a guy is supposed to do in his first date? wainek?
-Nora, I said crying .. it is a shameful deed and an evil road to other evils.. i looked up and said, el 7md lellah ... i was thinking if i should stop at this masjid to pray before i meet her...
I was amazed that no one seemed to care or even to look at him... everything seemed usual
Out of criousity, i could not but ask about him. I looked around to see if there is a familiar face than i could ask, but everyone looked busy with their prayers and I didnot know who to ask. It was my first time to pray in this masjid.
Is this guy crazy? No... i am sure not. I decided to ask him.
al salam 3laikom,
wa 3laikom al salam wa ra7matu allah ..
Bro, can i ask u about what u said?
ooo bro. My story is something I would not hide... Even if i hide it from the people, how can hide it from their Lord.
I was born in a very religious family. My father was a religion teacher in the middle school and he raised us in accordance. I memorized the Koran when I was thirteen. I loved islam and i was so passionate to it unitll the day of departing came. I finished my hight school and I recieved a schoralship to study in the United States. The first things that came to my mind were that I would learn, invite pple to islam and benefit my country.
My father gave me the chance to decide my self. He said: " I can't prevent you from going to the USA..u r a man, and u can take decisions. However, u should be aware that four years in america is a log period of religious isolation...
I stared at him, not knowing if I should say something...
The way his face looked, the way he talked, made me feel hot tears in my eyes.. His words were full of emotions..I didn't say anything..
-
So i left to America. I became depressed. I wished that I didn't come to America from the first place. Here, religiously and culturally, it's not acceptable for women to uncover their body, but there, uncovering was something natural. I went through a transformation period in which it became natural for me to see a women's hear or hand... without even knowing that i was changing.
For several months there, i had almost no friends. It was rare that a male would seek a friendship of another male except if they were gays. And to be a friend of a girl was something i would never accept, i thought, until the day came.
It was a nice day. Students left the class in pairs with their friends and I left alone. I wondered if i can stand such life for four years. I went straight on to the bus station. I took the bus to go to my home which was 10 minutes away from there. Once the bus stop, a young girl stood up and got off the bus and I did. I just realized that I saw here once in the class. She walked and I walked behind her, not following her but heading back home.
She was scared thinking that I was following her, so she turned around and took a look at me. Something had changed in me. She was so beautiful. All of a sudden, I remembered that I was looking at a forign girl.. I then lowered my gaze. But again, without thinking about it much, i looked at the girl again. This time I scanned her whole body with my eyes. My eyes were hungry and I lost control.
She reached her home, entered and then she turn back and through the glass door, she stared at me as I was entering the next door.
Once I got into my room, I saw the praying rug that I left on the floor after praying al '9o7a. O my God! I cried. How could I do this. Where is the Koran I memorized..where is all the love to islam .. I felt that I was burning. I could not stop my self from crying: some words were ringing in my head"yabee3o deenaho be3ara'9en mn el donya"(بادروا بالأعمال فتنا كقطع الليل المظلم يصبح الرجل فيها مؤمنا ويمسي كافرا، ويصبح كافرا ويمسي مؤمنا يبيع دينه بعرض من الدنيا زائل)
No.. No.. i cired. but i was already trapped
-
I prayed the noon prayer. I made my sojoood very long and I asked Allah to protect me and forgive me... Then, I laid on my bed and I didn't wake up before the mid night. aaaaaah ..something is wrong with me.. I looked at al 7aram and now for the first time I slept and missed the prayers...
I prayed and then I spent 3 hours studying. I could not concentrate.. Her vivid colorful picture came to back to my mind. What should I do O my God? I decided to turn the stereo on and listen to the Koran. The voice came from the stereo, reciting from sorat al israa2:
وَلاَ تَقْرَبُواْ الزِّنَى إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاء سَبِيلاً
= "Nor come near to adultery. ..for it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)." (17:32)
When the recitor reached وَسَاء , he couldn't continue.. His voice disappeard. He was crying, crying from the core of his heart.. i could not bare it.. I turned it off.. but the voice continue ringing in my head.. And it's an evil raod... and it's an evil road.
I laid upon my bed..and slept. In the dream I saw my father, he looked at me from a far distance and he said:
كل الحوادث مبـداها من النظـر *** ومعظم النار من مستصغر الشرر
I didn't know what the dream meant. I missed my father and his teachings. Anyway, it was the morning. I got ready and went to my class. I arrived there early so I sat, as usual, in the first row. Someone came and sat next to me..
-Good morning. a nice voice came
I turned toward the source of that voice.. and there she was.. the same girl..
-hey , good morning..
- isaw you yesterda..
-yeah, it seems like we r neighbors.
we chatted until the professor came and started his lecture. After the lecture, she invited me to the cafteria for a cup of in coffee ,. i hesitated and then, i said: let's make it in another time.. i am sorry i have to go.
In my head, i was saying, damn, what am I doing? I should be nice to people, we won't do anything wrong, it's just a cup of coffee.
Then I headed back home. For the next week, she sat next to me every day. and we chatted about different stuff, life , culture.. She started to be interested in my culture as she heard me speaking about it...
It was monday, and we were supposed to have an exam next wednesday. She suggested.. Why don't we study togather for the exam?
I am sorry ( i quickly said).. I don't feel comfortable studying in a group.
-Her face became dark... I noticed that the relationship between us is becoming stronger.. I felt that she was upset.
-so I said: .. But if u need help with anything i can help u..
-Yes yes plz, i am having a hard time with this class. How about tuesday @ 5 pm in ur house.. or in my house, if u want.. u will meet my parents too.
I thought about it.. in my house we will be a lone... no..no.. I said: I will be happy to meet ur parents... let's meet in urs.
-
So we did. I knocked her door at 5. She opened the door and I entered. Her parents were not there. She was sad and said that they had to go somewhere. Anyway, I couldn't leave or i would be more than rude so we sat and started studying. After a while I was talking to her, but she did n't answer. I look up in her face.. She was smiling and staring in my face.. What's wrong? I asked. She said: Hey man, aren't you tired. Let's have tea. I nodded.
She made the tea and came toward me .. then she suddenly asked. By the way, i haven't seen you with anyone, do you have a girl friend? I kept silent for a while thinking...I was embarassed and i didn't know what to say.. then I said No.. I haven't met the right person yet. She smiled as if I told her some great news.
While she was serving the tea, she fell on me ... I donno what happened next. I don't how did i get to her room.. and i don't know how i did what i did. But i recall finding her between my arms.. i recall screaming in her face.. and i recall running home ... i dropped that class that same day and i haven't seen her next. But, something worst happened next.. (it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils) .. it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)...it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)...it is a shameful deed and an evil road (to other evils)...
This verse came to me in all my dreams.. and then my life turned to that road. I next wake up everyday between different soft arms.. I touched all kind of flesh... i became an animal in a human body.. It was a hunger... but each time i tried to statisfy it, the hunger increased... and increased ...
a year later, my father came to me in my dream.. the same exact first dream .. he was still saying كل الحوادث مبـداها من النظـر
I woke up and i called home... My mom shouted: ur father passed away last night.....
That was the new turning point to me... my life ended there.. Now , thanks God. I am not doing any of the stuff i used to do .. but the evil road is still with me.. i can;t leave it.. it's effects are still following me.. i don't feel 7alawat el eiman that i used to feel.. I am lost.. and that's my story.. i, now, don't do zina... but now i can't be straight.. i fogot all the koran i memorized in my life... i am basicly a dead person ... and it all started with that look.. he ended..
Without saying a word, i turned to him my back .. and i went straight on to the door... my phone rang .. i look at the id.. it was her... Nora... should i take it? should I take it? I answered..
she said: .. where are u? is this what a guy is supposed to do in his first date? wainek?
-Nora, I said crying .. it is a shameful deed and an evil road to other evils.. i looked up and said, el 7md lellah ... i was thinking if i should stop at this masjid to pray before i meet her...
Friday, January 09, 2004
preparing to die
don't read!.. u won't understand.. this just a preparation....
http://www.geocities.com/saflanalin/
2:259; 6:60; 10:45; 16:21; 18:11, 19, 25; 30:55
6:60, 40:46
8:50, 47:27, 79:1
8:50, 47:27, 79:1
http://www.submission.org/hhd.html
http://www.geocities.com/saflanalin/
2:259; 6:60; 10:45; 16:21; 18:11, 19, 25; 30:55
6:60, 40:46
8:50, 47:27, 79:1
8:50, 47:27, 79:1
http://www.submission.org/hhd.html
Monday, January 05, 2004
Break: The KORAN
Are u in?
I am trying to run a campaign among my friends to memorize the Koran using the new methods of NLP language.
You will be able to memorize at least one page per day pefectly. Not much time is needed, as long as you pray the prayers on time, especially al fajr. If you do, then u passed half the preparation.
I will summarize what Dr. Ya7ya al '3othaei wrote.. so long, but informative. If i couldn't manage to sammarize it, i will tell u where to find it.
Mainly, our plan includes:
1- sleeping early.
2-waking up 30 minutes before al faj.
3-the first 5 minutes, read the page.. warm up.
4-then start memorizing ( i will tell u how later)
5-pray al fajr.
6-Read what u memorized in ur al '9o7a prayer.
7-After praying al 3a9r, listen to the page being recited by a reciter with a nice voice u like.
8-before sleeping ... sammi3.. and raji3..
9-In ur qiyam, read them again.
10-This is along with ur usual reading of the Koran.
*You have to have someone to keep u on track .. If I know u, i don't mind, i will bother u with questions lol and i will kill u if u didn't memorize it :D.
this whole thing won't take more than 50 mintes from ur day, but u will memorize the Hole Koran and you will have something to keep you with the prayers.
DETAILS WILL FOLLOW. (spread the word)
-------------------------------
I am trying to run a campaign among my friends to memorize the Koran using the new methods of NLP language.
You will be able to memorize at least one page per day pefectly. Not much time is needed, as long as you pray the prayers on time, especially al fajr. If you do, then u passed half the preparation.
I will summarize what Dr. Ya7ya al '3othaei wrote.. so long, but informative. If i couldn't manage to sammarize it, i will tell u where to find it.
Mainly, our plan includes:
1- sleeping early.
2-waking up 30 minutes before al faj.
3-the first 5 minutes, read the page.. warm up.
4-then start memorizing ( i will tell u how later)
5-pray al fajr.
6-Read what u memorized in ur al '9o7a prayer.
7-After praying al 3a9r, listen to the page being recited by a reciter with a nice voice u like.
8-before sleeping ... sammi3.. and raji3..
9-In ur qiyam, read them again.
10-This is along with ur usual reading of the Koran.
*You have to have someone to keep u on track .. If I know u, i don't mind, i will bother u with questions lol and i will kill u if u didn't memorize it :D.
this whole thing won't take more than 50 mintes from ur day, but u will memorize the Hole Koran and you will have something to keep you with the prayers.
DETAILS WILL FOLLOW. (spread the word)
-------------------------------
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Need a revelution!
"Two different worlds, clearly distinguished"--> An old fasioned sentence which used to be said in both worlds. The two worlds had slept. Then, one of them suddenly woke up and the other kept sleeping. The first world kept saying: "Two different worlds, clearly distinguished". But when the second world woke up, this sentence was forgetten by its people.
Under a painful attacks from the other first world, the second world started recalling the sentence, the rule... However, it was hard for the people to remember, so an echo came to being, an echo of the first sentence: "we are two different worldS, and we, the second world, MUST work hard to make the two worlds, one"
Under a painful attacks from the other first world, the second world started recalling the sentence, the rule... However, it was hard for the people to remember, so an echo came to being, an echo of the first sentence: "we are two different worldS, and we, the second world, MUST work hard to make the two worlds, one"
Saturday, January 03, 2004
enti7al sha'79eyyah .. i am a new moslem
*!~: i dreamt that i am the following: i am a new moslem..... This came after i saw an American entering in islam .. coming to Friday prayer and looking around trying to immitate pple in the way they pray... this was heart breaking ..and refreshing..
----------------------------------
i am a new moslem, entering a mosque on Friday, 2 days after converting to Islam. I looked around me and i obsereved amzaing things. Some people where performing their prayers in a way i still haven't learnt. I envy them, they can pray to Allah, putting the knowledge they have in actions. I wish I can pray. I said this with tears flooding out of my eyes. I recalled what the man who guided me 2 days ago to Islam told me .. He said, u r lucky, many pple were born moslems, they have the knowledge but they don't use it.. " THIS was strange!! how come? people know how to pray and they don't... I wanna know the minimum knowledge to start praying ...
Other people were reading the Koran with a nice voice... I wish i can read it in its original language, not the transilations... I wish I can read Allah's words directly from him to me through his Holy Book...
After few minutes, the mosque became full of people. There was no space left. the Imam stood and started talking. I did not understand everything because he was using technical words like 6aharah, rasool, deeen ... I wished i know what he was talking about ..I looked around and i saw some pple chatting.. A man was leaning to the wall and snoring.. children were playing in the back making noise... I wondered how come they don't listen ..they can understand, at least.. I don't!
Then, i saw an amazing image. A man called for the prayer (athan) and i saw everyone standing and in less than ten seconds, everyone was standing in straight lines next to each others.. In the prayer, their movements were identical... I recalled the picture of a conferense i attended were the number of people were the same.. I was among the organizers and we wanted to change the room, so we called upon pple to go to the next room... This was so noisy step and it took us more than 15 minutes to get things straight.. How come this man with one call, made all these people be in straight lines and perform the same actions in this magnificent way... This is not something people can do ,, this is what the ONLY and ONE GOD can do, I realized i made the right step to join Islam.
Thinking about that I remembered something that grapped my attention,a sentence the Imam said in his speech. He said : "people are joining Islam, not because of us, Moslems, if they look at our situation and acts these days, they will never be moslems, but it's all about Islam and the Will of God."
--------
I am moving the homepage to a new server. I will post a note here soon.
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i am a new moslem, entering a mosque on Friday, 2 days after converting to Islam. I looked around me and i obsereved amzaing things. Some people where performing their prayers in a way i still haven't learnt. I envy them, they can pray to Allah, putting the knowledge they have in actions. I wish I can pray. I said this with tears flooding out of my eyes. I recalled what the man who guided me 2 days ago to Islam told me .. He said, u r lucky, many pple were born moslems, they have the knowledge but they don't use it.. " THIS was strange!! how come? people know how to pray and they don't... I wanna know the minimum knowledge to start praying ...
Other people were reading the Koran with a nice voice... I wish i can read it in its original language, not the transilations... I wish I can read Allah's words directly from him to me through his Holy Book...
After few minutes, the mosque became full of people. There was no space left. the Imam stood and started talking. I did not understand everything because he was using technical words like 6aharah, rasool, deeen ... I wished i know what he was talking about ..I looked around and i saw some pple chatting.. A man was leaning to the wall and snoring.. children were playing in the back making noise... I wondered how come they don't listen ..they can understand, at least.. I don't!
Then, i saw an amazing image. A man called for the prayer (athan) and i saw everyone standing and in less than ten seconds, everyone was standing in straight lines next to each others.. In the prayer, their movements were identical... I recalled the picture of a conferense i attended were the number of people were the same.. I was among the organizers and we wanted to change the room, so we called upon pple to go to the next room... This was so noisy step and it took us more than 15 minutes to get things straight.. How come this man with one call, made all these people be in straight lines and perform the same actions in this magnificent way... This is not something people can do ,, this is what the ONLY and ONE GOD can do, I realized i made the right step to join Islam.
Thinking about that I remembered something that grapped my attention,a sentence the Imam said in his speech. He said : "people are joining Islam, not because of us, Moslems, if they look at our situation and acts these days, they will never be moslems, but it's all about Islam and the Will of God."
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I am moving the homepage to a new server. I will post a note here soon.
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Another very important old email..with minor changes
Lots of times, I hesitate to write back to many of my friends because I don't want to bother anybody or to be overwhelming.. I felt the same when I got your email.. I thought maybe I shouldn't reply until sometime passes because I thought most people have other things to do (i.e. busy), but when I came to what you wrote here:
"At times, I feel very isolated, as if I am committed to subjectivities that people do not care to see or to do away with, since it is difficult to admit to our own restrictive assumptions at all levels and how we deny each other proper degrees of respect and integrity within different spaces constituting our lives. "
a very beautiful piece written by a friend
I really felt that you were talking about me. I have always been feeling isolated in a way from people, even from my closest friends, "the others". Am I wrong? Or Are they wrong? Is it natural? I don't even know the answers but what I certainly know is that I like how I'm but always struggle and struggle to be better.
For example , if you remember when I was struggling to define how I should act: according to the UAE values? Or according to the American values? It was easier for me there in Philly to reach the conclusion I reached but here (in the UAE) it's different... in the USA , no body knows me before but here I was Saeed and I think I'm still Saeed but everybody else here thinks I’m totally different ..
Yes, I’m the type of person that I get affected by everything I encounter in my life... 9 months in Philly certainly changed a lot, especially in the way I look at other people and the way I like them to look to me, at my race.. and at themselves and to the other people..
But even if I have been changed, I’m still Saeed. Not the American version of Saeed!! This is annoying. He who thinks will be changed.. Hopefully to the better.. but how can we define the better and according to which values..
I'm sorry! I feel confused my self and I’m afraid I confused you.. It’s very complicated and huge for me and I’m not sure I can handle it...
- Also, in Philly I saw and experienced things that no body here experienced, One of them is how the religion is far different that the traditions...
When I was here in the UAE before going to Philly, there was no need for me to differentiate my tradition from my religion ... but in Philly, far from my tradition, I saw that it was very important for me to do so... my religion is something that is not changeable .. My religion is something that the time can't change; the Devine is beyond time and place... it's beyond our ability to comprehend. However, my traditions are things that are different according to the time frame... and the traditions are not necessary stable.. They are adjustable and changeable to according to people’s interest, which differ with time
When I came back here t o the UAE, my experience has gone.. But the importance of knowing where each zone (the religion and the traditions) lies, differs, and meets is still there... However, I feel it my self. (only… alone
This is a hard struggle for me, Between my self, my ideas my friends and my community.
This is not saying that I believe in the secular systems. Secularity, to me, means scarifying religion for the sake of daily life…. What I think should be happening is scarifying life and traditions for the sake of religion.. Traditions are important to me, but it’s nothing to me, once it becomes against me beliefs, religion or even daily life.. I will always be change traditions to be better, but I will never change in my religion because it can not be better.. it’s perfect.
- It's really a very crowded world where people don't stop for a moment to think about the meaning of their lives, but I do .. and that's why I’m still Happ not Saeed...and I think I might not find my "Y" or I might not like to find it, Because happiness has no peak (highest point) in this life.
For me, I won't reach an inner piece until I’ll reach """something""" I can "preach" and that is not likely to happen soon.. I don’t know if I will come to a point where I will build an ideology that fits this world.
Thanks for your very deep email.
P.S. About writing stories, I’m also struggling between Arabic and English.. Can English represent what I’m thinking in my Arabic mind? I donno
why i got to catagorzie the thinking!!!
Best,
Saeed
"At times, I feel very isolated, as if I am committed to subjectivities that people do not care to see or to do away with, since it is difficult to admit to our own restrictive assumptions at all levels and how we deny each other proper degrees of respect and integrity within different spaces constituting our lives. "
a very beautiful piece written by a friend
I really felt that you were talking about me. I have always been feeling isolated in a way from people, even from my closest friends, "the others". Am I wrong? Or Are they wrong? Is it natural? I don't even know the answers but what I certainly know is that I like how I'm but always struggle and struggle to be better.
For example , if you remember when I was struggling to define how I should act: according to the UAE values? Or according to the American values? It was easier for me there in Philly to reach the conclusion I reached but here (in the UAE) it's different... in the USA , no body knows me before but here I was Saeed and I think I'm still Saeed but everybody else here thinks I’m totally different ..
Yes, I’m the type of person that I get affected by everything I encounter in my life... 9 months in Philly certainly changed a lot, especially in the way I look at other people and the way I like them to look to me, at my race.. and at themselves and to the other people..
But even if I have been changed, I’m still Saeed. Not the American version of Saeed!! This is annoying. He who thinks will be changed.. Hopefully to the better.. but how can we define the better and according to which values..
I'm sorry! I feel confused my self and I’m afraid I confused you.. It’s very complicated and huge for me and I’m not sure I can handle it...
- Also, in Philly I saw and experienced things that no body here experienced, One of them is how the religion is far different that the traditions...
When I was here in the UAE before going to Philly, there was no need for me to differentiate my tradition from my religion ... but in Philly, far from my tradition, I saw that it was very important for me to do so... my religion is something that is not changeable .. My religion is something that the time can't change; the Devine is beyond time and place... it's beyond our ability to comprehend. However, my traditions are things that are different according to the time frame... and the traditions are not necessary stable.. They are adjustable and changeable to according to people’s interest, which differ with time
When I came back here t o the UAE, my experience has gone.. But the importance of knowing where each zone (the religion and the traditions) lies, differs, and meets is still there... However, I feel it my self. (only… alone
This is a hard struggle for me, Between my self, my ideas my friends and my community.
This is not saying that I believe in the secular systems. Secularity, to me, means scarifying religion for the sake of daily life…. What I think should be happening is scarifying life and traditions for the sake of religion.. Traditions are important to me, but it’s nothing to me, once it becomes against me beliefs, religion or even daily life.. I will always be change traditions to be better, but I will never change in my religion because it can not be better.. it’s perfect.
- It's really a very crowded world where people don't stop for a moment to think about the meaning of their lives, but I do .. and that's why I’m still Happ not Saeed...and I think I might not find my "Y" or I might not like to find it, Because happiness has no peak (highest point) in this life.
For me, I won't reach an inner piece until I’ll reach """something""" I can "preach" and that is not likely to happen soon.. I don’t know if I will come to a point where I will build an ideology that fits this world.
Thanks for your very deep email.
P.S. About writing stories, I’m also struggling between Arabic and English.. Can English represent what I’m thinking in my Arabic mind? I donno
why i got to catagorzie the thinking!!!
Best,
Saeed
old piece... I am loosing my eye sight and everyone too
Last week, I had my eyes examined and I was told that I’m becoming a near sighted person. I had to wear glasses. When I did, I was amazed how everything looked so different, but I got depressed because I didn’t know that I wasn’t seeing all these things around me. I thought that this was how these things looked in natural. Others, with a perfect eye sight, were seeing different things, more beautiful than the fuzzy shady pictures I used to see. I wasn’t seeing the whole picture around me.
This remind me how we as human see things from one perspective and each one of us thinks that what he sees is the only picture of the word while other people see the world differently. When they tell us what they are seeing or thinking, we think about them as liars. After a while when we wear the life glasses, we get to realize how stupid and narrow minded we were. We get to know how the beautiful full picture is and how we can make it more beautiful in our eyes and the eyes of others.
This remind me how we as human see things from one perspective and each one of us thinks that what he sees is the only picture of the word while other people see the world differently. When they tell us what they are seeing or thinking, we think about them as liars. After a while when we wear the life glasses, we get to realize how stupid and narrow minded we were. We get to know how the beautiful full picture is and how we can make it more beautiful in our eyes and the eyes of others.
